How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult commands in the Christian life, yet it is also one of the most essential. The Bible repeatedly calls us to forgive others, not just as a moral duty, but as a reflection of God’s own forgiveness toward us. However, letting go of hurt, betrayal, or deep wounds is rarely easy—so why does God ask us to do it? And how can we walk in true forgiveness, even when it feels impossible?

1. Why Is Forgiveness So Hard?

Forgiving someone can feel like we are letting them off the hook or minimizing the pain they caused. Our natural inclination is to seek justice or even revenge, rather than release. Some reasons why forgiveness is so difficult include:

• The Depth of the Wound – The deeper the hurt, the harder it is to forgive. Betrayal, abuse, or repeated offenses make forgiveness feel almost unthinkable.

• A Sense of Injustice – We often equate forgiveness with excusing bad behavior, but that is not what biblical forgiveness means.

• Pride and Self-Protection – Holding onto bitterness can feel like a shield, preventing us from being hurt again.

• A Desire for Repentance – We may feel that someone does not deserve forgiveness unless they truly apologize or change.

However, while these feelings are natural, the Bible shows us that forgiveness is not about excusing sin, but about freeing ourselves from its grip.

2. What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?

1. God’s Forgiveness Toward Us

The greatest example of forgiveness is God’s mercy toward us. Despite our sins, He offers grace freely through Christ.

• Ephesians 4:32 – "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

• Psalm 103:12 – "As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."

• Colossians 3:13 – "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

God’s forgiveness is total and undeserved, yet He extends it out of love. In the same way, He calls us to forgive others, not based on their worthiness, but as an act of obedience and grace.

2. Jesus’ Command to Forgive

Jesus placed a strong emphasis on forgiveness, making it clear that unforgiveness is incompatible with a heart that knows God's grace.

• Matthew 6:14-15 – "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

• Matthew 18:21-22 – Peter asked, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Jesus removes all limits on forgiveness, making it clear that it is not optional for His followers.

3. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35)

Jesus’ Parable of the Unforgiving Servant is one of the most powerful illustrations of God’s grace and our responsibility to forgive others. This story, found in Matthew 18:23-35, follows Peter’s question in verse 21:

"Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

Peter likely thought he was being generous, as the Jewish tradition often taught that forgiving someone three times was sufficient. But Jesus responded with:

"I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:22)

By using seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven in some translations), Jesus wasn’t giving a literal number. Instead, He was emphasizing limitless forgiveness—a stark contrast to the limited, transactional approach many people take. He then told a parable to drive home this point.

---

The Parable Explained

Jesus describes a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owed him 10,000 talents—an astronomical debt. To put this in perspective:

• A single talent was worth about 20 years’ wages for a laborer.

• 10,000 talents would be the equivalent of 200,000 years of wages—an impossible sum to repay.

Since the servant couldn’t pay, the king ordered that he, his wife, children, and possessions be sold to partially settle the debt. But the servant fell on his knees, pleading for patience, promising to repay everything (which was impossible). The king, moved by compassion, forgave him completely and wiped out the massive debt.

However, this same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him 100 denarii—a much smaller debt.

• 100 denarii was about three months’ wages—a significant sum, but nothing compared to what he had been forgiven.

Rather than extending the same mercy he had received, the servant choked his fellow servant, demanded repayment, and refused to show mercy—even when the man pleaded in the same way he had pleaded with the king. Instead of forgiving, he had his fellow servant thrown into prison until the debt was paid.

When the other servants witnessed this, they were deeply troubled and reported it to the king. The king, enraged at the servant’s ungrateful and unforgiving heart, summoned him and declared:

"You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" (Matthew 18:32-33)

The king then delivered him to the jailers (or torturers) until he could pay his debt—which, of course, he never could. Jesus then concluded with this sobering warning:

"So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:35)

---

Lessons from the Parable

1. Our Debt to God Is Unpayable

   • The servant’s 10,000 talents symbolize the massive weight of our sin before God. Just as the servant could never repay such a sum, we can never earn our way to righteousness.

   • Yet, like the merciful king, God chooses to forgive us completely when we come to Him in repentance.

2. God’s Forgiveness Should Lead Us to Forgive Others

   • The servant was freed from an impossible burden, yet refused to extend even a fraction of that mercy to someone else.

   • Likewise, when we hold onto grudges and refuse to forgive, we act just like this servant—we take God's immeasurable mercy for granted while denying others the same grace.

3. Unforgiveness Is a Serious Sin

   • Jesus ends the parable with a strong warning: Those who refuse to forgive will face God’s judgment.

   • This doesn’t mean that God "takes back" our salvation, but unforgiveness reveals a heart that may not truly understand or appreciate the mercy it has received.

4. Forgiveness Must Come from the Heart

   • Jesus says we must forgive "from the heart."

   • This means forgiveness isn’t just an external action—it’s a heart transformation, releasing bitterness and entrusting justice to God.

---

The Connection to the Lord’s Prayer

Jesus' words in this parable closely parallel His teaching in the Lord’s Prayer:

"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." (Matthew 6:12)

Immediately after this prayer, Jesus emphasizes:

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)

This connection underscores the seriousness of unforgiveness—it blocks our own experience of God’s grace. If we refuse to extend mercy, we reveal that we do not truly understand or appreciate the mercy we have received.

---

How Can We Apply This Parable?

1. Remember how much you’ve been forgiven – Take time to reflect on the depth of God's grace in your life.

2. Refuse to keep “debts” against others – Choose to release offenses instead of keeping a mental list of wrongs.

3. Forgive, even when it’s hard – Recognize that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling—and God will give the strength to do it.

4. Trust God for justice – Let go of the need for revenge, trusting that God will deal with all things righteously.

4. Why Is Forgiveness Necessary?

1. Unforgiveness Harms Us More Than Others

Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Bitterness destroys our peace, our relationships, and our intimacy with God.

• Hebrews 12:15 warns that bitterness can "defile many," affecting not just ourselves but those around us.

• Proverbs 19:11 teaches that "It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense," showing that forgiveness leads to peace.

2. Forgiveness Frees Us Spiritually

When we forgive, we release the burden of pain to God. We may not forget what happened, but we surrender the right to seek vengeance.

• Romans 12:19 – "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’"

• Isaiah 43:25 – "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

Forgiveness does not mean pretending nothing happened—it means entrusting justice to God and refusing to let the offense define our future.

3. It Reflects Christ’s Love

When we forgive, we mirror the very heart of Jesus. On the cross, Jesus forgave even those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34). If He could forgive in the face of unimaginable suffering, how much more should we extend grace?

5. How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

Forgiveness is not a one-time decision—it is often a process. Here are some biblical steps to help:

1. Pray for Strength – Ask God to soften your heart and give you the grace to forgive. (Philippians 4:13)

2. Remember How Much You’ve Been Forgiven – Reflect on the mercy God has shown you. (Ephesians 4:32)

3. Release the Desire for Revenge – Trust that God is the ultimate judge. (Romans 12:19)

4. Speak Blessings Instead of Curses – Jesus commanded us to bless our enemies. (Luke 6:27-28)

5. Take One Step at a Time – Even if the pain is deep, choose to walk toward healing. (Colossians 3:13)

Final Thought

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do as Christians, but it is also one of the most powerful. It frees us from bitterness, restores relationships, and reflects God’s own heart. While the world teaches revenge and self-protection, Jesus calls us to a higher way—one of mercy, grace, and love.

Even when forgiveness seems impossible, remember this: God never asks us to do it alone. He gives us the strength, the example, and the promise that when we walk in forgiveness, we walk in freedom.