When Love Feels Unsafe

 

Approaching God Without Bracing

Sometimes fear hides inside devotion.

There are questions that surface late.

Not in debate.
Not in seminary classrooms.
Not even in crisis.

They surface in quiet prayer.

Why am I afraid when I pray?
Why does obedience feel like self-erasure?
Why does God feel unsafe even when I believe God is loving?

These questions do not begin in rebellion.

They begin in honesty.

And they reveal something deeper than doctrine.

They reveal the state of attachment.

The Fear Beneath the Words

Many believers speak fluently about grace.

They affirm love.
They confess mercy.
They declare that nothing can separate us from God.

And yet, when they kneel to pray, something tightens.

A subtle self-monitoring.
An invisible brace.

The words feel rehearsed.

Prayer becomes careful.

Measured.

It feels less like entering a Presence and more like stepping into evaluation.

Fear in prayer is rarely about disbelief.

It is about expectation.

If somewhere beneath our theology we suspect that God is easily disappointed or quietly keeping score, prayer will never feel fully safe.

The mouth may speak trust.

The nervous system may not.

And the body does not lie.

“Even though I walk through the valley…”

Those words are not triumphant.

They are trembling.

The psalm does not deny the valley.

It names it.

And still says, You are with me.

When Obedience Shrinks the Soul

There is an obedience that enlarges a person.

It is rooted in love.
It deepens integrity.
It draws the self into alignment with what is true.

But there is another obedience that feels like disappearance.

If obedience means silencing grief in order to appear faithful, suppressing doubt to remain acceptable, or flattening personality in order to be spiritual, something essential has been confused.

Compliance is not covenant.

Compliance requires shrinking.

Covenant requires presence.

When obedience feels like erasure, the soul resists. Not because it rejects God, but because it recognizes distortion.

The God who creates persons does not require their diminishment in order to love them.

The Inherited Image of God

Sometimes fear of God is inherited rather than chosen.

It comes through sermons that emphasized wrath more than tenderness.

Through communities where questioning felt dangerous.

Through spiritual language that equated submission with invisibility.

And sometimes it comes through something even quieter.

An inability to hold lament.

When grief enters the room and the room shifts away from it.

When sorrow is redirected toward quick reassurance.

When suffering is answered with slogans instead of presence.

Over time, the internal image of God becomes shaped not only by what was preached, but by what was permitted.

If anguish is unwelcome in the sanctuary, the soul learns that God may be equally uncomfortable with it.

And then something subtle happens.

The places that promise fellowship begin to feel thinner than the places that promise understanding.

There is a reason stories resonate in which the dangerous figures are the ones who sit still with pain.

In the film Sinners, the church cannot linger in lament. It rushes toward correction, toward righteousness, toward containment.

The vampires, by contrast, sit in the dark with the wounded. They offer companionship without flinching. They do not hurry sorrow toward resolution.

Their fellowship is distorted. It is parasitic at its core.

But it is attentive.

And for the suffering, attention can feel redemptive.

This is the danger.

When the people of God cannot embody resurrection patience, counterfeit communities will offer night without dawn.

But the Gospel does not offer companionship in darkness alone. It promises morning.

Yet the Christian story does not end in darkness held together by shared despair.

It ends in resurrection.

In a future where grief is not avoided but healed.

In a kingdom where tears are not silenced but wiped away.

The church is meant to be a foretaste of that world.

If it cannot sit with lament now, it misrepresents the God who entered death itself and did not turn away.

The One who walks out of the grave does not rush sorrow.

He passes through it.

And brings life with Him.

Judgment and the Tone of God

Scripture does not avoid the language of judgment.

There are warnings.
There are images of separation.
There are consequences described in sobering terms.

But tone matters.

The tone of Christ is not triumph over the condemned.

It is grief over the hardened.

He weeps over cities that refuse peace.
He speaks with sorrow about lostness.

Judgment is not portrayed as divine delight.

It is portrayed as the tragic trajectory of choosing distance from love.

If judgment is imagined as vindictive, fear will dominate the spiritual life.

But if judgment is understood as exposure to truth, it becomes unveiling.

And unveiling is painful only when we have mistaken illusion for safety.

The Eschatological Question

At its core, the question is not simply about fear in prayer.

It is about the future.

What kind of God meets us at the end?

Is the final horizon accusation
or resurrection?

Christian hope is restoration.

Resurrection is not the annihilation of the self.

It is the raising of the self into fullness.

The One who calls the dead from their graves does not erase identity.

He restores it.

If the ultimate future is renewal, then the character of God would not need to cultivate chronic dread in the present.

Fear may awaken.
Truth may expose.

But the direction is life.

The Quiet Urgency

The urgency is not about winning arguments.

It is about coherence.

Does the God we proclaim produce safety in the soul?

Does obedience deepen aliveness?

Does prayer feel like returning home?

And if it does not, what image of God are we carrying?

The image of God we carry must match the One revealed in Christ.

Because the God who raises the dead is not in the business of erasing the living.

He restores what fear has constricted.

He moves history toward a garden city where vigilance has no function.

If resurrection is the end of the story, then love must be its shape all along.

Love does not erase.

It raises what fear tried to bury.