The Hidden Cost of Letting Go

 

Why Forgiveness Feels Like Loss Before It Feels Like Freedom

Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful commands in Scripture, yet it is also one of the hardest. It is never abstract. It touches our deepest wounds. It interrupts our desire for repayment. It asks us to carry what someone else has dropped at our feet. Forgiveness feels costly because, in many ways, it is.

The Cost Revealed at the Cross

Isaiah 53 paints the clearest picture: “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities.” The forgiveness of humanity came at the highest cost. God did not simply dismiss sin. He bore it. He absorbed it. He carried it to the cross.

When Jesus cried, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), He prayed this while His body was being torn apart. Forgiveness was not a painless gesture. It was love choosing to carry the debt.

• Forgiveness always costs the one who gives it.

• At the cross, God shows us that forgiveness means bearing the wound rather than passing it on.

• True forgiveness is never denial. It is deliberate surrender.

Why Forgiveness Feels Costly

The parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23–35) shows us why forgiveness is so difficult. The servant who had been forgiven an impossible debt refused to release another from a small one. He wanted repayment. He wanted control.

That is our struggle. We feel that if we forgive, justice will be lost. We fear that the wrong will be erased as if it never mattered. Yet forgiveness is not the absence of justice. It is the transfer of justice into God’s hands.

• Forgiveness costs us our right to revenge.

• Forgiveness costs us our right to demand recognition or repayment.

• Forgiveness costs us the illusion that holding on will heal us.

Paul reminds us in Romans 12:19, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.” Forgiveness is the decision to step out of the judge’s seat and let God rule.

How Forgiveness Frees

Though it feels like loss, forgiveness is actually freedom. Colossians 3:13 commands, “Bear with one another and forgive one another… as the Lord has forgiven you.” Forgiveness breaks the chains that keep us bound to the past.

• Forgiveness releases the offender from our grip, but it also releases us from bitterness.

• Forgiveness severs the cycle of rehearsing wrongs in our minds.

• Forgiveness makes room for God’s peace to enter the wound.

Unforgiveness, on the other hand, is its own prison. We replay the wrong, hoping the loop will give us power. Instead, it drains us. Forgiveness feels like surrender, but in God’s kingdom, surrender is the path to victory.

Applications for Life

How can we live this truth out in our daily lives?

• In Family Relationships: Forgive the old wounds that resurface at gatherings. Some scars will never be repaid. Release them to God so they no longer dominate your heart.

• In Friendships: When someone disappoints you, forgiveness does not mean trust is instantly rebuilt. It means you stop carrying poison in your own soul.

• In Marriage and Parenting: Forgiveness is often daily. Words spoken in haste, unmet expectations, careless actions—these moments need grace so that love does not grow cold.

• In Church Community: Forgive when leaders fail or members hurt you. Churches are made of imperfect people. Forgiveness keeps bitterness from dividing the body of Christ.

• In Personal Healing: Remember your own story. Christ forgave you at infinite cost. That awareness is the soil where forgiveness grows.

Closing Reflection

Forgiveness will always feel costly, because it is costly. Yet in Christ, the cost is never wasted. What you lay down in forgiveness, God redeems in freedom. You may lose your claim to repayment, but you gain peace that cannot be taken away. Every act of forgiveness points back to the cross, where love bore the greatest cost so that we could be free.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)