— And Leave You Feeling More Alone Than Ever
They say everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“I feel so safe with you.”
“We should definitely make plans soon.”
“You’re important to me.”
The words sound like love.
The tone is tender.
The messages drip with intimacy — until you step back and notice the pattern: the words never seem to become anything real.
There are no plans.
No follow-through.
No consistent presence.
Just potential. Possibility. Promises.
And the aching quiet that follows.
You’re not imagining it.
This dynamic is incredibly common — especially in relationships where one person is emotionally avoidant or unavailable. And it’s not just frustrating — it’s deeply wounding.
Let’s unpack why.
💬 The Performance of Intimacy
Emotionally unavailable people often use language to simulate connection.
They’ve learned that connection is something you’re supposed to express — they just don’t know how to live it out. So they rely on the performance of closeness rather than the practice of it.
Warmth becomes their currency, but consistency costs too much.
They’re not necessarily lying. In that moment, they might mean what they say.
But they can’t tolerate the discomfort that true intimacy requires:
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Presence
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Vulnerability
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Accountability
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Sacrifice
So instead of building the house, they paint a picture of it.
And then leave you standing on a foundation that doesn’t exist.
🧠 The Nervous System of Avoidance
Many emotionally unavailable people carry unhealed trauma. Somewhere along the line, they learned that closeness = danger.
So they do what feels safer:
They offer connection on their terms — controllable, delayed, poetic, and vague.
That looks like:
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Making plans and canceling last-minute
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Expressing big feelings… but only through text
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Saying they care but pulling away when you need them
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Telling you they miss you but not showing up
It’s not always malicious. But it’s confusing, especially if you’re emotionally available. Because their words say “I’m here,” but their actions say “Stay back.”
💔 The Harm of Being Half-Loved
Over time, these relationships create emotional whiplash.
You feel chosen — but not held.
You feel prioritized — but not protected.
You feel seen — but never really safe.
You keep wondering, “Is this going somewhere, or am I just filling a space in their loneliness?”
And the worst part?
You might start blaming yourself.
“Maybe I’m asking for too much.”
“Maybe I just need to be more patient.”
“Maybe they’ll change if I show them I care enough.”
But love is not a puzzle to be solved.
And you are not a rehab center for people who refuse to grow.
🙏🏼 What Scripture Says About Empty Words
God has something to say about this, too:
“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
— 1 John 3:18 (NIV)
Real love is active.
It shows up. It sacrifices. It tells the truth even when it’s hard.
It doesn’t just sound good — it does good.
If someone consistently fails to match their words with action, that’s not love. That’s confusion wrapped in flattery.
✨ What You Deserve
You don’t need to beg for consistency.
You don’t need to decipher mixed signals like they’re signs from the universe.
You deserve someone whose presence matches their promises — who shows up, follows through, and chooses you with clarity.
You deserve to feel held — not haunted.
Safe — not scrutinized.
Fully loved — not partially tolerated.
And if someone’s words are beautiful but their behavior leaves you empty?
That’s not love. That’s a performance.
And you, my dear, are no one’s stage.